Recently, we've had a few young women come to teach etiquette classes to our girls. Two to be exact. It used to be one, but now it is two. I'm not usually one to speak out against the systems in place in the South, mostly because I myself am a new citizen to this place, but sometimes a new perspective has to be vocalize (right?). I think of the South as an almost foreign land that is totally different from what I know. However, something I can wholehearted say I understand is the culture of college students and the concept of giving back to your community.
A few weeks ago, I began to notice one girl coming through and speaking with our most high-risk youth. I didn't mind, actually, I was extremely pleased to see other young women involved with the girls a few blocks down from their school. However, it was what I heard come from her mouth that upset me. First, she called another teacher "mean" and "crazy." This teacher is loud, but within six months she has transformed an average of 17% to over 80%. This is a teacher who has shown me how to survive teaching high risk youth. She is a teacher who has developed relationships with these girls to a point where they threw her the most incredible birthday party.
As a first party observer, I know a few things after spending a near 7 month immersion amongst 12-14 year old girls. First, they hold no allegiance to insincerity. Second, they buy into the actions and words of others. Third, they are completely loyal to those they know love them and care for their well-beings. So, hearing these words from this young lady, knowing her attempt to win over their acceptance, I can only say this: "Please. Don't."
Today, she and a new friend came by school. They stopped to say hello, dressed in leggings and in lace tights. I sat, listening for a moment or two before I spoke. "I know you. I know what it is to be young and trying to change the world. Hell, I'm probably younger than you at 22. But working here has taught me this. These girls cannot be messed with. Whether you know it or not, you are a living breathing role model. Even what you do not say is heard. So please, please, do not mess up. You may not realize it, but these are lives you are dealing with." The other two teachers gave little cheers, but I knew they didn't hear what I said.
To those who are stopping by our schools, know this. I am not kidding. I used to dress more intense, cuss more intense, act stupider, and live with less regard. I knew that I was no role model so I didn't try. (Mentored little college girls a little but they made it to college so I could be rude). So don't come into our school acting like you are but dressing like you aren't. Talking like you have value in your words, but never considering the implications to mentioning domestic violence as a joke (as the other girl did) or calling other folks out of their jobs (or their names I hope). As a teacher, who spends everyday intervening in their lives, don't come through and act like you are here for the girls. I pray you are, but your actions and words suck sometimes.
